How to win friends and influence people summary
Techniques for dealing with other people
1. Don’t criticise, condemn, or try to justify anything.
2. Be sincere and honest with your gratitude.
3. You must make the other person desire something so intensely that you find yourself desiring it.
Here are six strategies for gaining the admiration of others.
- Show genuine interest in the people you’re around by developing a genuine curiosity for them.
- Remember that a person’s name is the sweetest and most important sound in any language to that person.
- Listen attentively. Encourage people to talk about themselves.
- Use language that focuses on the other person’s needs and wants.
- Give the other person a genuine feeling of importance.
How to Convert Others to Your Way of Thinking
- The only way to win an argument is to not get into one.
- Show consideration for the views of the other person. Never say something to the effect of, “You’re mistaken.”
- If you’re wrong, own up to it as quickly as possible.
- Start out by being friendly.
- Insist on getting the other person to say “yes, yes” right away.
- Spend most of your time listening to what they have to say.
- Persuade your coworker that the idea is original to him or her.
- Try your best to see things from the perspective of the other person.
- Be understanding of the thoughts and aspirations of the other person.
- Make a case for your actions based on higher principles.
Make your ideas come to life with exaggeration.
- Set the bar high by putting out a challenge.
- Become a Leader: How to Influence Others Without Offending or Igniting Resentment
- Start by expressing genuine gratitude and praise.
- Indirectly draw attention to mistakes made by others.
- Make an effort to understand your own shortcomings before passing judgement on someone else.
- Rather than issuing orders, try asking questions.
- Allow the other person to keep their dignity.
Praise even the tiniest progress and don’t stop until you’ve praised everything.
- Be “hearty in your approval and lavish in your praise.”
- Set a high bar for the other person to meet.
- Encouragement is a good thing to use. Make it appear as if fixing the problem will take little effort.
- Don’t just suggest something; make the other person feel good about doing it.
That wasn’t the only thing the book had to offer. The following are some additional points raised by Carnegie that are worth noting.
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Criticism is pointless because it puts the object of the criticism on the defensive and forces them to defend themselves. Criticism can be harmful because it injures someone’s pride, diminishes their sense of self-importance, and incites resentment. …. It’s easy for a fool to criticise, condemn, and complain, and most fools do it all the time. To be tolerant and understanding, however, requires strength of character and the ability to keep one’s emotions in check.
To paraphrase Thomas Carlyle, “a great man shows his greatness by the way he treats little men.”
Humans are Emotional Beings.
When dealing with people, keep in mind that you are not dealing with logical beings. We’re dealing with emotional beings, with people full of prejudices and driven by arrogance and conceit.
The Secret to Influencing Others You can only influence people by talking about what they want and showing them how to get it.
The Key to Succeeding in Business
Any successful person will tell you that their secret lies in understanding and considering both the other person’s and their own perspectives.
Carnegie’s book, like our newsletter, is jam-packed with timeless wisdom and insights you can put to good use at work and at home.
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